Avalanche

Avalanche

Ted says, "On your next skiing holiday remember to take a dog biscuit with you and keep in your pocket at all times.Then, when you get caught in an avalanche, the rescue dog will be certain to dig you out first."

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Bedtime

Bedtime

Ted says, "Try going to bed 30 minutes earlier every night, then everybody won't have to put up with you moaning how tired you are each morning!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Miss The Bus

Miss The Bus

Ted says, "When you leave your house, sprint the first 100 yards and then revert to normal walking pace. This will prevent the embarrassment of people laughing at you as you run for the bus and just miss it!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

AA

AA

Ted says, "Last week I went to an AA meeting and everyone stood up and admitted to being an alcoholic. I couldn't believe it! If you're a driver, I'd cancel your membership and join the RAC if you want responsible, sober mechanics mending your car!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Knickers

Knickers

Friends are like knickers. Some crawl up your ass, some snap under pressure, some don't have the strength to hold you up, some get a little twisted and some you can see right through. Some are cheap and just plain nasty but some are your favourites and best because they actually cover your ass when you need them to! Look after your best knickers... and friends!

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Kick Up The Arse

Kick Up The Arse

Ted says, "Everybody needs a good kick up the arse now and again, even me..."

"However I did mean it metaphorically and not physically thanks Charlotte!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

(No Teds were harmed during the production of this week's T.O.T!)

Dogs vs Kids

Dogs vs Kids

Ted says,

"Have you ever considered making the choice between dogs or kids? Here are 5 reasons you should choose dogs."

1 - You can house train a dog quicker.

2 - Dogs don't whine when they don't get what they want.

3 - You can send a dog to bed when they're naughty and they won't stamp their feet and pretend cry for hours on end.

4 - You can leave a dog home alone.

5 - You can neuter or spay a dog!

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Back at them

Back at them

“If someone scowls at you, smile back at them. If someone is mean to you, be kind to them. If someone hates you, love them in return... However, if someone steals your bone, hunt them down and rip them their heads off!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

January

January

"January is cold and bleak. You're fat and broke after the festivities. You've turned a whiter shade of pale and you can't feel your face from the biting winds. That is, unless, you've got a fur coat! So my advice to you this week is get yourself a nice thick winter coat by growing fur. Grow it all over like me and grow it before the snow starts falling..... Alternatively get yourself a nice thick winter coat!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

New Year's Resolution

New Year's Resolution

Ted says, "Someone asked me what a New Year's resolution was. I told them it's just a "to do" list for the first week of January... Well, that's over and done with then. Back to normal folks!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.