Ted On Tuesday

Bars

Bars

Ted says, "If you're going to spend your life behind bars, make sure they are the ones that serve alcohol. They are much more fun than steel ones! (but don't forget to stay within the recommended daily alcohol limits.")

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Exercise

Exercise

Ted says, "If your dog is getting fat then YOU are not getting enough exercise!" "Run like the wind Forrest!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Departing

Departing

Ted says, "As a loved one departs from this earthly realm, remember that they never truly leave. They remain in our thoughts, memories and hearts forever."

In loving memory of... Becky Gilman (1968 -2019)

Behind Bars

Behind Bars

Ted says, "Don't wait until you are behind bars to regret your mistakes and bad life choices."

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Women & Cats

Women & Cats

Ted says, "Women and cats will do as they please, therefore men and dogs should just relax and get used to it."

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Cheap Beer

Cheap Beer

Ted says, "Drinking at the Jubilee Monday Club just because it's cheap beer is not always a good idea... especially on a Tuesday morning!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Duvet Day

Duvet Day

Ted says, "When winter weather returns during spring, it's time for a duvet day!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Got To Turn Around

Got To Turn Around

Ted says, "If you let a particularly stinky one off, don't turn around and sniff your own arse, it's a dead giveaway!"

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Ventriloquist

Today Ted is practicing his ventriloquist act. I think he's got a bright future don't you boys and girls? All he needs now is a big human dummy. Suggestions? 🤔

Listen to Ted, not his dummy.

Ted is very wise, unlike his dummy!

Weather Warnings

Weather Warnings

With severe weather warnings and possible snow in the next few days….

Ted says, “Have fun in the snow but always remember, the yellow snow is NOT lemon sorbet!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Tilt

Tilt

Ted says, “If you want something and need someone to give it to you, just tilt your head slightly to one side and stare longingly and lovingly at them for a minute or so. You will get what you want EVERY time!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Wagging

Wagging

Ted says, “Wagging your tail makes you more friends than wagging your tongue.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Woodchucks

Woodchucks

If I asked, “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” you might say, “A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”

However, Ted says, “A woodchuck would chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.”

Listen to Ted.

Ted is very wise.

Circles

Circles

Ted says, “If you’re having trouble sleeping, just walk round in circles three or four times before you lie down. This method also works if you need to take a dump. However, be very careful not to poop in your bed by mistake!”

Heavy Night

Heavy Night

Ted says, “If you are going out for a heavy night and you want to ensure you get home safely, just piss up every lampost on the way to the pub.You’ll be able to crawl on all fours and sniff your way home just like me!”

To Forgive

To Forgive

Ted says, “To err is human. To forgive, canine.”

Tomorrow

Tomorrow

Ted says, “If you spend too much time thinking about yesterday’s mistakes, you won’t have time to build a better tomorrow today.”

Painter & Decorator

Painter & Decorator

Today Ted is slightly annoyed and irritated that his decision to become a painter and decorator was maybe not the right career choice for him.

January Blues

January Blues

Today, Ted is sad. 🙁 Ted has the January blues AND it’s Tuesday!!! :'( Don’t worry Ted, you’re not on your own. First day back at work for me so I’ve got them too. 🙁 :-/ :'( xxx

New Year

New Year

Ted is looking forward to a bright new future and the challenges in store for us all in 2019. Ted sends his love to each and every one of you and wishes you all a very happy new year. xxx

Christmas

Christmas

Ted celebrated Christmas a little early and excessively this year.

Ted says, “Don’t be like Ted, drink sensibly and enjoy your Christmas!”